A Change of Plans

Today my plans for getting back to normal came to a screetching halt.

I have been feeling really dragged out all week, not at all myself. So I was anxious to meet with the doctor today and see if we could get to the bottom of things.

I was very surprised to hear that my white blood cell and platelet counts are very low (in fact it's as if I was still on chemo). This is quite alarming and was completely unexpected. It appears that I could be having a very rare reaction to the Tamoxifen which I take on a daily basis.

My doctor consulted her handy dandy computer info and apparently it is an uncommon side effect from the Tamoxifen.

So instead of spending this visit talking about going back to work, we talked about next steps.

At this point, I have been taken off the Tamoxifen and will have to wait for another 9 weeks to have my blood tests taken again. If it is indeed the cause of the drop in white blood cells and platelets, then I will have some other decisions to make.

The reason that I am on the Tamoxifen is because my tumour tested positive for estrogen and progesterone. The Tamoxifen keeps your hormone levels low so there isn't a chance for any potential cancer cells to grow. It is very important that I am on this drug. It decreases my risk of the cancer returning by 40%.

If it turns out that the Tamoxifen has caused this reaction I obviously cannot go back on it. I am unable to take any of the Aromatase inhibitors because I am not yet in menopause. So there is a chance that I will have to have my ovaries removed.

At this point, I don't know what other options I may have in front of me. The information I received today was so unexpected and overwhelming, I'm just trying to soak it all in.

Needless to say I was devastated. I've been waiting for today's visit for so long to talk about my return to work plan and then I get hit with this news. I know that it's beyond my control, but I feel that I have let Western down. They were all counting on me and my promises that I'd be back in May. I am so disappointed. But everyone at Western has been so supportive and has encouraged me to take care of myself first...and I thank them for that.

I am also very afraid. Of course, the first thing that goes through your mind is that "the cancer is back". I did ask if this was possible, but the doctor didn't think that was the case. She figured it was about a 90% chance that it was this rare reaction to the Tamoxifen.

My doctor has also referred me to a Haematologist so they can test my bone marrow and see if there is anything odd going on there. She feels, however, that by the time I end up getting that appointment we likely will already have sorted out that the cause is from the Tamoxifen.

So I guess I just get up, dust myself off and continue forward. My appointment on June 1st should bring some news about what the next steps are.

In the meantime, my doctor has asked me to hold off on back to work plans until the situation is sorted out.

It's been an exhausting day, so I'm going to get some sleep now.

Nighty, night.

Love CJ